You’re right about the boundaries. I don’t talk to her often, most of the time it’s a weekly phone call/Skype that lasts a couple of minutes. We chatted for longer this time because she’d been taken into hospital and I’d only just heard. Some of those feelings can really flavor some folks’ feelings about anal sex and spin their ideas into some wacky places. Fear or shame have the capacity to sometimes cause otherwise smart people to say or think things that are seriously stupid.Some people have the idea that for someone to engage in any kind of receptive sex in other words, where they’re the “catcher” and not the “pitcher” means that person must not be a man, because that’s only something for women or people who some folks consider “not real men.” And for some people whose definition masculine also means only heterosexual, gay or bisexual men fall into that classification of “not man.” Often as part and parcel of that, or separate from it, some people think that being a person with a sticking in body part taking in another person’s sticking out body part means being subordinate: in other words, think means a receptive partner is automatically underneath or on the bottom of a power dynamic where the other person is in charge or on top. And when we’re talking about guys and butts, for some people erotic lingerie, their idea of being a “real man” means always being on top or in charge in interpersonal situations, including sex, therefore, to them, a guy being a receptive sex partner means he isn’t masculine.Not only is all of that something many of us disagree with when it comes to plain old logic (and something many of us find offensive to pretty much everyone) best strap on, it’s something almost all of us who work in sexuality disagree with simply because we know that who is and who isn’t the receptive partner in sex isn’t about gender, and what gender or sex someone is doesn’t determine what they’ll be curious about, want or like sexually sexy outfits for men, nor what position sexy sleepwear, if any, they are in any kind of power hierarchy.We know that people of all genders and orientations mix it up quite a lot when it comes to sex and sexual roles, and that people of all genders may or may not enjoy being receptive partners in sex (and also that some people may enjoy it sometimes but not others; with this partner, but not that one).

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